For this week’s activity, I had the option of either using another new mobile application, named Somebody, or writing about/critiquing another classmate’s artist conversation. I chose the later, and decided to have a look at Jaclyn “Jackiee” Fernandes‘ blog post.
Jaclyn wrote about Angela Nicole Drew’s show named “Layers.” Her post was pretty solid, but some changes could make the post even better.
In a technical sense, Jaclyn could reword “a senior BA of Ceramics” to “a senior working towards her BA in Ceramics,” to make the words flow better. Also, the sentence saying, “The light shining out of them reminded me of something I would love to have in my house, the chic look really apealed to me,” could be split into two sentences or have a transition word included, in order for it to also flow better. Lastly, some spelling errors could be fixed, like in the sentence mentioned before, with the word “appealed.”
In a conceptual sense, what could help Jaclyn’s post is giving more description of how the light shined out of the sculptures. How did the light shine out? Did the light shine from the top, or illuminated through the sculpture? Also presenting a name of one of the sculptures would make the sentence saying that they had “specific names” stronger. Lastly, more background information on the artist and a picture of her would be appreciated.
Overall, I thought Jaclyn’s blog post was pretty solid. I really liked how she related herself to her artist’s inspiration of religion, and gave her own stance on the topic, saying that she is not necessarily religious, but appreciates the creativity and artwork Angela put into her pieces to express her faith. I also really liked the many details that connected the art to religion, like how cypress wood was used because it was said that Noah’s ark was made out of that particular type. Lastly, I thought her conclusion to her blog post was very strong and left a great lasting impression.
Besides critiquing Jaclyn’s post, I also had to write about mine. My post is about Jane Weibel and her show named “The Extraordinarily Difficult and Impossible Tasks of: Recounting Fading and Altered Memories and Stabilizing Shifting Time.”
As for my post, in a technical sense, I need to work on shortening my sentences. I love packing information into one sentence, which makes that thought too long with too many commas. I also need to use different sentence types, and to spice up my vocabulary a little bit more to make my posts more interesting.
In a conceptual sense, I could have elaborated more on the different pieces in the gallery since there were so many elements installed in the room. Also, I should have asked and included what materials she made each item with since I do not entirely understand what ceramics are made of and how they are made. Lastly, I could have also included the significance of specific items, like the red house on the wall and the hoops that were attached to the ceiling.
Overall, I think I did a pretty good job tying Jane’s background information to her inspiration for the project. I was able to get a lot of information out of the artist, and I think that it definitely helped my post a lot. Also, I believe that my post flows fairly well, and that I include good insight in how I relate myself to the art.